Journals of Lord Malinov

the poetry of madness

whew

where was I?

Nine days with the kids came to a gentle close.  I spent much of the last days fishing with Greg.  I've fished most of my life but more out of togetherness than real interest.  Encouraging Greg to leave the wonders of his mind is a positive thing, so I am all too ready to join him down at the creek.  I caught two fish on Sunday, my first in decades, if we can discount the monster catfish at my parent's farm which are too easy to catch and a royal pain to dehook.

Let's discuss addiction.  Bad terminology makes this question too complicated.

Addiction is a phenomenon of barbituates.  After the substance is ingested, refraining from further doses of the substance causes physical pain.  Barbituates dull the nerve impulses.  When the barbituate wears off, the nerves are in a heightened state, which is painful. 

Spend time in a darkened room and suddenly expose your eyes to a bright light.  This is the pain of withdrawl, except that the pain is all over the body rather than just in the eyes.  This need to avoid the pain is addiction.

Alcohol, opiates, nicotene.  Depressants. 

Nicotene is a very weak barbituate.  Nicotene addiction can be avoided with a little ibuprofen.  The addictive quality of cigarettes is very small compared with the addictive behaviors that accompany them.

This is the only form of addiction.  Most of what people nowadays call addiction is really addictive behavior.  Addictive behavior is any behavior that mimics addiction.  Basically there are two forms of addictive behavior; maintenance and compulsive.

Maintenance addiction is what happens with speed or coke.  When we take a stimulant, our body is excited to provide additional energy.  When we stop taking stimulants, we face temporary exhaustion.  To avoid the exhaustion, we take more speed.  Since speed freaks are usually driven by a need to be productive, the exhaustion part of the cycle is unacceptable because it results in a loss of productivity.  In order to maintain our productivity, we take more speed. 

Compulsive addiction accounts for most additive behaviors.  In this case, the addiction is no different than the compulsions of an obsessive-compulsive person.  Typically, the compulsion is engaged in to distract our minds from other problems.  When the compulsion has negative impacts, people call them addictions.

Bob Crane's daughter said that her father was a "sex addict."  A sexual addict is not an addict, for denial of sex does not result in physical pain.  Excessive sexual obsession is a compulsive addiction behavior.  Bob Crane - Hogan - was not addicted to sex as much as he was addicted to attention.   Sex is just a very personal form of attention, substituting for the applause he no longer got.  You would not cure Crane by weaning him off of sex - his self-esteem was mixed up with positive attention - the only answer would be to deal with his lack of self-esteem.

Judy Garland was said to have an "addictive personality."  This is just a foolish way of saying that she was obsessive compulsive.  You don't cure obsessive-compulsive behavior by ceasing the compulsive behavior - you deal with the lack of self-esteem that creates the OCD.

Many of life's problems arise from a failure to distinguish symptoms from causes.  Treating symptoms can ease suffering but will rarely effect a cure.  It is better to ignore the symptom and focus on the cause.

The pizza girl let me know - not too subtly - that she was married.  I already knew that.  She immediately became concerned that I would not be back for more pizza.  I will certainly let things cool down - I have learned the importance of not scaring people.  Chances are good that this pull-back is just a prelude to a push forward.  Since I have no real goals, I have nothing but time.  We shall see what transpires next.

The eX has continued her positive swing.  We are able to talk easily about the children and work together to make the schedule easier for everyone.  The kids feel free to move back and forth, and so are reaping the benefits of two stable house-holds. 

My daughter found herself running around Saturday night with two boys fighting for her attention.  I was exceedingly pleased that she felt free to discuss this difficult situation with me and even more so with Cats.  For the first time, I found myself rooting for one boy over another, keeping this opinion to myself as best I could.  I firmly believe that a parent should not be a coach but a mentor.  I try not to tell the kids what to do or even what they should have done.  I focus on helping them make their next decision.

Forget the past.  Forget the future.  Life is right now.

She knows that we are freaks, in the sex fiend sense.  She even knows that Cats and the eX were once lovers.  The honesty makes it much, much easier to talk to her.  The best way to ruin your relationship with your kids is hypocrisy.  Kids know lies when they hear them.

I don't even really hide my smoking from them.  They were fully informed of my vices by the doofus, who did me a favor by deriding me for vices that he had shared.  The eX used to insist that I could not change - regarding behaviors we both participated in - but insisted that she had changed.  The logical inconsistancy was not lost on the younguns.  I would rather have my children know me than alienate them with hypocrisy, pretending to be something else.

The children have come through the divorce better than most.  I take much of the credit for refusing to act like an idiot and put the children between us in our foolish wars.  It takes an adult to let the children feel important while changes take place.  It is sad that more parents are not adults.

I have heard, several times, women proclaim that belly shirts - a shirt that ends above the hips - are meant for women who don't have bellies.  What a load of stupid crap.  Only a truly twisted man wants a woman who looks like a child, which is the only kind of woman without a belly aside from the truly insane gym siren.  Belly shirts are beautiful because men love bellies.  The belly of a woman is a living symbol of her fertility.  Men's interest in women is largely fertility based. 

I hate it when people want to hide the beauty of the human form.  There is nothing more beautiful in this world.  Someone who doesn't like the way people look should hide themself.  Old people are beautiful.  Fat people are beautiful.  Youth is beauty.  People are beautiful. 

Minds get ugly.  Souls become ugly.  Attitudes are ugly.

People are beautiful.

Enjoy,

M

posted by: Malinov at 08:36 | link | comments (7) |
petting the cat, psychobabble, tales of passing time

Comments:

#1  27 June 2006 - 14:43

 

nice picture

faaraa

#2  27 June 2006 - 14:48

 

it’s all about spreading the seed! a man gave me his phone number because he found me “fertile”. i had one of the biggest laughs of my life.
i’ve been thinking about addictions and self control lately. how much of a good thing can you have before you allow it to become an addiction?

faaraa

#3  27 June 2006 - 18:47

 

Yeah, I agree about the pic, and wonder if you use the same hair-care products that I do? LOL, Must. Defeat. The Frizz. Which it appears that you have done.

I'm interested in the ibuprofen/smoking theory. I've taken ibuprofen but not smoked less.

I tried being an insane gym siren once but I went insane from my ex laughing at my belly. All the while trying to flatten it after giving birth to 2 children. Who don't care about my belly one bit. My son just wants to hug me and talk to me. Boys are so affectionate. I get along with my daughter more in the mind and commonalities of womanhood, and my son and I just look at each other and we giggle or wiggle eyebrows and it's all understood. He truly is the handsome-ist, most polite, smartest, vivacious, all around best person on this earth. Really. I am not lying. I told him the other day that I was going back to school, and he said, "cool!" Then we just went into a long convo about miscellaney and it was all good. I can't wait to see him.

jennybird

#4  27 June 2006 - 19:10

 

motime spontaneously went back to a former picture, although more recent than the other. Hmmm.

The addiction to nicotene is minor. It is the breaking the compulsive addictive behavior that is nearly impossible. All you have to do is cure your anxieties or find a new substitute compulsion

Addictive behavior becomes addictive when we need a fix to maintain or when we take a fix compulsively. If you aren't maintaining or compulsing, you aren't engaged in addictive behavior. Is your use rationally functional? If so, there is no compulsion. Unless you are simply rationalizing.

Malinov

#5  27 June 2006 - 19:23

 

don't cut your hair!!! se-xay!
...i know, motime went to my old icon too.

faaraa

#6  27 June 2006 - 19:25

 

my stylist says I have the best hair of any white man he knows.

It's a little creepy coming from a straight guy, but I'll take the compliment as meant. I hope.

M

Malinov

#7  27 June 2006 - 19:43

 

I find that to be circular logic. Either I am addictive or I am not. What then, should I replace the addictive "behavior" with? I have been hypnotized and wanted a smoke even moreso after the hynosis. I don't wash my hands compulsively, I don't touch a chip to my chin and eat it, I don't check the lights or the gas.

I purport that smoking can just be a bad habit and not an OCD behavior. I have gone long times without smoking and other stimulants or depressants and perhaps it's simply an indulgence on my part. Maybe it's just a character flaw in me.

jennybird

Comments: