Journals of Lord Malinov

the poetry of madness

vastness

The ocean typically represents our unconcious.  The comparison is fair.  We know virtually nothing about the sea.  The vastness is incomprehensible.

The Universe works in synchronous ways. 

My tension-heat is failing to relax-dissipate.  Internal pressures are constantly arising, a desperate hunger to partake in many of the millions of choices that exist in every moment.  I must let go of randomly inspired desires, if such a thing is possible. 

One of the struggles of relaxing is moving past a constant refrain that insists we cannot relax.  The voice isn't audible but the compulsion to action or analysis are strong.  We must slow our minds as certainly as we must breathe oxygen, and nearly as often. 

I have spent years with a tense mind, never once capable of bringing it down to quiet.  The hunger for quiet becomes ravenous. 

I continue to struggle and always will.  As I learn greater skills, the demands become greater as ability inspires desire.  The ability to remain calm is the most important of all.  I really think we should have classes in the subject.  I am told some elementary schools - private schools, probably - incorporate meditation in the morning exercises for the children.  I'd love to see the data that comes from such a program.  I think it would do us all well.

Why do we struggle to do things that we know are smart?  My obsessive creativity and creative obsessiveness make it very difficult to maintain a rational path - unless I can retain a basic calmness that permits me to evaluate the importance and cost of proceeding as planned and adjust my behavior accordingly. 

I must admit that most everything has gone well for me since I began to focus on maintaining my calm and pressing myself into anxious situations with the intent to remain calm.  The results have been amazing, and still the struggle continues.  Struggle on.

Lay on, MacDuff. 

Malinov
sharpening his sword

posted by: Malinov at 11:33 | link | comments |

Comments: