Journals of Lord Malinov

the poetry of madness

stroke by stroke

The days push forward like the rattle and jerk of a roller-coaster cart caught on a chain.  Progress has been steady and certain, even while generating instabilities within, shivers of emotion taking hold of the core, haunting my positivity.

I am contemplative, easily slipping into the dark illuminations of daydreams, closing my eyes and shaping a psychic universe oblivious to the hypothetical passage of time.

The house is slowly taking shaping, adapting to the introduction of the children to the space.  The move has proved quite joyful as far as they are concerned.  The situation at their mother's house has become incredibly difficult for them, causing them to see Cats and I as a sanctuary.  The most amazing part has been Tess' developing affection and then sudden embrace of Cats - a woman she had vowed to forsake her father rather than endure.  I never really believed the intensity of her admonition to have any meaning - life is full of hyperbole and time tends to find the equilibrium.  Even so, to have Tess move from toleration to something more conducive toward a familial environment is a delight.  Cats told a sleeping Greg the other night that he had to go home.  "But I am home," he insisted groggily.  Smiles.

The question of full custody has begun circling.   Because of the eX's perjury, she doesn't dare go to court against me.  I can push for whatever custody terms I think best.  Part of my attitude has been waiting to see her reaction.  More than any court mandate, I want her cooperation in seeking the best interest of the kids.  If I can't secure her cooperation, I will have no choice but to get court mandates of control. 

Serious, serious, serious questions.  I will meditate upon them.

The most difficult part is that she is afraid to speak to me.  I have this seductive darkness about me that tends to draw people into my words and she knows me well enough to fear entering into conversation.  More than I think fair, but who am I to judge.  Isolated by my ability to communicate and persuade - isn't that just ironic?

While playing a wargame with the boys, I found occassion to teach them the Exorcist's Rule - don't talk to demons.  During the course of our three-army battle, one son began lobbying the other son for a change of strategy.  A tactical argument ensued.  "Remember who your enemy is," I counseled, "and recognize that you give advantage by giving information.  Negotiate when you can but if there is nothing to negotiate, don't listen to your enemy.  Don't talk to demons."

The old priest counsels the young priest in the Exorcist.  In my years in DC, I frequently walked the Exorcist stairs in Georgetown.  Very narrow, very steep.  They rise from the Potomac to M street.

My steady diet of exercise - since I can't manage a steady diet of food - has provoked incredible cramps in muscles I don't use much.  I think I have survived the worst of it.  Yoga has proved wonderful for stretching. 

I have been creating my own hypnosis mp3s.  I use multi-layered audio to provide the suggestions - the confusion created by the simultaneous play of multiple recordings inducts hypnosis without the bother of a formal inductions.  I even invented a song for my last one - "feeling happy, feeling joy."  The tune just popped into my head. 

Last night I made one for arousal.  We'll have to wait until I gather some feedback from my subjects.  Subject.

The patents are cranking and my little company has a quick million in assets.  Now if I can just get someone to cash the check.

Words, words, words.

Malinov

posted by: Malinov at 08:52 | link | comments (1) |

Comments:

#1  29 June 2005 - 15:35

 

"Isolated by my ability to communicate and persuade."
I like, i like!

Seraphim

Comments: