Journals of Lord Malinov

the poetry of madness

emphatic

feeling the surge
power ignited
visions of conquest, dominion
rapaciously
feeding my insatiable appetite
power expanding
cravings determining
each simple step
creating and forcing
envisioning
taking

M

posted by: Malinov at 21:03 | link | comments (1) |

letting go

Accept what has happened
Then you may let go
Denial forces us to cling to that which we deny
paradoxically

I have clung to the idea that I have been wronged
Knowing full well that I have done as much wrong
Despite my denials within
I have been a victim, but not only of those who have victimized me
I have been a victim of myself

So now I shall endeavor to accept my guilt
So now, perhaps, I can forget
The pains

Power grows within me, in the wake of the madness I have wrought
Anger fades as Mastery ensues
Making, Taking
Alive

M

posted by: Malinov at 10:10 | link | comments (1) |

reliable

Is it possible to be reliable AND creative?

Absolutely not.  Creativity is unreliable and reliability is uncreative.  They are definitionally opposed.

I sat in amazement as a singer for a local band explained to us that he was quitting the band to dedicate himself to his art, the noble art of hairdressing.

Most of my creativity will be lost.  So it goes.  I told you that you should be writing this stuff down.  I don't have time to repeat myself.

M

posted by: Malinov at 12:48 | link | comments (2) |

Rollo

We can't talk anxiety without discussing Rollo May's work on the subject.  Let's start with a nice, rich topic sentence from his paper "Value Conflicts and Anxiety"

"The distinctive quality of human anxiety arises from the fact that man in a valuing animal, who interprets his life and world in terms of symbols and meanings."

In defining qualities of human anxiety, May implies the existence of non-human anxiety, an understanding that is further developed as he discusses the roots of anxiety in the separation anxiety of infants.

This is a definite shift from my use of the word "anxiety."  I require consciousness as a necessary element of anxiety, taking the problem away from pre-conscious children and animals, only to be replaced with a different (and largely indistinguishable) fear-based state.

Anxiety derives, in my parlance, from excess pre and post analysis.  Anticipation and regret are the hallmarks of anxiety.

A child disturbed by separation is not anxious, because separation is a rational fear.  When the child responds to an anticipation of separation, anxiety arises.  When do children develop anticipatory abilities?  Where's Melanie when you need her?

Anxiety as a value conflict is a much more deeply seated concept.  Self-examination leads me to understand the truth of Rollo's analysis, although I'm not sure what we can do with such an understanding.  May relates examples where the anxiety panic is not based on fears for personal safety, but rather for fear of lost prestige, respect, etc.  The "loss" of abstract qualities is enough of a fear-source to drive anxiety responses.

I prefer speaking of "fear" where May speaks of "anxiety."  Fear is pervasive, convoluted and occurs in pre-consciousness.  Anxiety then becomes an irrational response to fears.  So much simpler, in my eyes.

As the physical manifestations of anxiety begin to fade, letting the dust settle, the cognitive analysis becomes the more important question.  Without the flight-fight response driving anxiety into crisis, the problems faced change their nature.  The runaway train problem is settled, but the mental constructs that fueled the engine continue to roar.  How do we change the cognitive anxiety responses?  Here is where May's analysis becomes crucial.

When the physical anxiety is defeated, a period of depression seems to follow.  Evolutionarily, this makes sense, as the period after crisis should be approached cautiously.

Fascinating, Captain.

"What Jesus clearly fails to appreciate is that it is the meek who are the problem." 

M

posted by: Malinov at 08:44 | link | comments |
psychobabble

rock me

I have lately been considering the difficulty created by fictionalized history.  The idea was brought to my attention by a show on the Kennedy killing, one that took away any doubt I ever had about conspiracy.  There was none.  The only theory that explains the facts clearly concludes that Oswald was a nut and so was Ruby.  Attention seekers.  They have always plagued humanity.

Some of the experts pointed out that almost everything people know about the JFK murder came from Stone's picture, JFK.  Unfortunately, the film is based on dozens of things that are simply untrue - not speculatively possibly untrue, but simply wholly and completely  false.  Our history is corrupted by fiction.  In many cases, replaced by fictions.

Take Mozart.  Other than the names and the music, nothing in the movie-play is based on fact.  No one even pretends that it is historical.  Yet I suspect most people's conception of Wolfgang contains nothing but the film's fiction.

Most disturbing to me is that Da Vinci Code hoopla.  Good fiction, perhaps, but abysmal history.  Yet most people take it as historical.  How do we keep the foolishness at bay? 

We can't.  People are fools.  People want good stories and non-fiction doesn't always comply, so we accept beautiful fictions rather than settle for dull-but-true non-fiction. 

Same as it ever was.

M
letting the days go by

posted by: Malinov at 12:16 | link | comments |

ramble

The war against stupidity is endlessly frustrating.  They don't know when to quit.  Frustration thrives on impatience.  Fear is the bomb.

I am tired.  I am weary.  I could sleep for a thousand years.

There are five times as many people in China as there are in the United States.  I don't think we've even begun to appreciate what a difference they will make as they enter the modern age.  That's a lot of people.  That's even more new ideas.

My experiments brought out an interesting bit of personal idiosyncracy - when I pick up a pen and begin to write, my anxiety response levels take a sudden dive.  Curiously, it doesn't really matter what I write.  The act of pushing a pen over paper seems to seriously relax me.

Further experimentation is obviously necessary.  So many variables, so little lab time.

M

posted by: Malinov at 22:42 | link | comments |

Suprise, surprise, surprise

There was a progression of television shows when I was in my early teens - the early seventies - that I could watch when I was sick.  There was one hour, at lunch, when nothing but adult shows would take over, but the rest of the day had some kind of amusing entertainment.  Purposefully amusing.

We saw some shows repeatedly while hardly even knowing other shows existed.  The show had to last for five seasons to be syndicated, before Nick at Night.  No one ever shows the Green Hornet.  That is one of my very first televised memories.  Bruce Lee was Cato.  How cool was that?

Sad part is that I haven't seen the show since the sixties when it was on the evening lineup.  Or maybe that's the cool part.  I'm one of the only people who remembers seeing the show.  It rocked seriously.

M

posted by: Malinov at 21:48 | link | comments (1) |
petting the cat