Journals of Lord Malinov

the poetry of madness

quips

One of my favorite expressions over the past few years has been Ooh-Da-La-Lee, a phrase I kipped from Disney's Robin Hood.  Other phrases that have been regulars in my vocabulary:

It's very nice.  (John Cleese, Holy Grail)

It doesn't matter why they're dressed up like a tiger, have the got my leg?  (Eric Idle, Meaning of Life)

All I know is he's not the man I married.  (Terry Jones, Flying Circus)

You're not qualified.  (Graham Chapman, Meaning of Life)

Back off, man, I'm a scientist.  (Bill Murrary, Ghostbusters)

Not bad, not bad.  (Gene Wilder, start the revolution without me, asked how he has been, after the battle of the pillows)

Please let me face the peril. (Michael Palin, Holy Grail)

She turned me into a newt.  (Cleese, Holy Grail)

It's a fair cop, but society's to blame.  (Idle, Flying Circus)

Rebel rubbish.  (Jones, Flying Circus)

Shit.  (Jones as Karl Marx, Flying Circus)

Don't I know it, love.  (Palin, Flying Circus)

No surprises there.  Four of his last five novels started with definite articles.  (Chapman, Flying Circus)

There's your book, now buy it.  (Cleese, Contractual Obligation)

It's a mister Death, he's here about the reaping.  (Chapman, Meaning of Life)

I told him that we've already got one.  (Cleese, Holy Grail)

Fascinating, Captain.  (Leonard Nimoy, Star Trek)

Bad, bad, naughty Zoot.  Evil, wicked Zoot.  (Carol Cleveland, Holy Grail)

Fuck off, I'm full (Jones, Meaning of Life)

It's wafer thin (Cleese, Meaning of Life)

Look, Harold's being eaten.  (Chapman, Meaning of Life)

I'm not dressing up like a girl, you can't make me, you can't make me.  (Bob Denver, Gilligan's Island)

I'm an idea man.  (Michael Keaton, Night Shift)

They barred me for being too good a player.  (ibid)

Hold the phone. (ibid)

Call Starkist. (ibid)

What kind of a world do we live in, where a man dressed up like a bat gets all of my press.  (Jack Nicholson, Batman)

Stop the presses.  (ibid)

This could conceivably go on forever.  O what fun it is to ride.

M

posted by: Malinov at 11:53 | link | comments (1) |

Hmmm

Something has been bothering me . . .

Why does it require infinite energies for an object with mass to move at the speed of light?

Let's see what I can re-discover.  I'm not one to try and dislodge relativity, so our rest mass (m) has an energy of mc^2.  To persuade m to move at c, E= Esub0+mv^2 where v=c and Esub0=mc^2, E=2mc^2.  Lots of energy, but a bit  short of infinity.

Given the velocities are relative, let's change units, measuring distance in seconds, c is a unitless one and velocity is unitless relative to c. 

Increase in velocity = v2-v1/time, acceleration therefore measured in inverse seconds.

As can be clearly seen, my analysis is going to need some more time.  Somehow I suspect that the lorenz transformations will hold the key.  The faster we go, the slower time goes.  The slower we go, the faster time moves.  Not to hard to wring an infinity out of that bizarre mess.

I am convinced that time is a subjective phenomenon.  I'll report any positive test results, unless it would interfere with history.  The Prime Directive Rules!

Shatner, introducing a documentary on comets.  "Back when we were zipping around the solar system at 100,000 miles an hour, we made gosh darn sure we didn't interfere with human history."  I fell off the sofa, laughing.

I'm discovering there are lots and lots of jokes in this world that only a few will ever appreciate, requiring some not-so-common tidbit of data to make the punch line funny. 

Like when I learned that the French Normans defeated the Angles and the Saxons by taunting and teasing them into disarray the night before battle.  Cleese's "Your mother was a hamster" was already funny.  Suddenly, it was infinitely more funny.  Probably an effect of time dilation.

The other day, watching the Powerpuff girls, an episode entirely in couplets, they threw in "anybody want a peanut?"  Stop rhyming, I mean it!

Back to non-fiction . . .

M

posted by: Malinov at 11:32 | link | comments |

Gunga Din

A better man than I, saith the Rudyard.  I picked up a 1919 publication of collected verses.  The cover includes a gold-leaf elephant, anchor, crossed sabres with a canteen and a tibetan swastika arranged in a very phallic way.  Fascinating, Captain.

If you ever want a big hunk of last millenium political incorrectness, Kipling is your man.  He spared no spades.  A lovely collection of bar-room bawdies, along with the more serious literary verses.

I'm preparing to get some volunteers - preferably paying volunteers - into my machine.  I'm preparing materials for a Relaxation Training while . . . . campaign.  Relaxation training while playing video games.  watching television.  listening to music.  studying.  relaxing.  sleeping.  taking pratice tests.  performing.  singing.  Performance enhancing relaxation training.  No drugs.  No pain.  No effort.  All natural. 

With the relaxation tones CD and weekly training sessions, I can cure anybody and everybody of anything and everything.  Just wait.  You'll see. 

The ferrets are running loose.  Damn polecats.

M

posted by: Malinov at 14:46 | link | comments |

In Africa?

They have transplanted some Tigers to a refuge in south-central Africa, as their habitats in Asia have undergone significant reduction. 

I talk frequently of tiger-inspired fears.  I have no personal fear of tigers, having only seen them at a safe distance, and I admire their brutal beauty.

I have decided that the creature I would least like to find myself trapped alone with would be a tiger.  Lots of animals would be certain death, but tigers are razor sharp intelligent muscle monsters. 

"God made men; Sam Colt made them equal."  This implies that before the invention of the revolver, being big and strong was a significant advantage.  Smart people must have been gnashing their teeth at this inherent injustice.   Really smart people wouldn't have shared their invention.

M

posted by: Malinov at 10:41 | link | comments |

applause

The incessant urge to clapping that seems typical with ballet audiences annoys me.  I read a blog of a seminarian some time ago that argue the inappropriateness of applause during a church service.  Upon consideration, his rationale made sense - the congregation is not an audience and the performance is not a show. 

I found myself pondering this point Sunday morning as the congregation applauded a small group performance but not the choir's.  I picked up the church paper when I returned home to discover a discussion of this very point - the music minister agrees that applause is inappropriate, but isn't going to try and stop clapping in the pews, taking the diplomatic road essential to minister in a church of six thousand.

Quite the Jungian train, this tale of one-hand clapping.

At the church booksale, I picked up some gems, including a photo-report of Baryshnikov's ABT.  Ballet talk led me back to Paris, at a performance of La Sylphidae - not the famous one, the other one - at the Opera.  The friggen frogs applauded the dancers every five minutes - even bringing them flowers - and the applause would last ten minutes.  This wasn't just spontaneous outbursts, but planned strokes.

In D, the ballet was a bit more continuous, but an explosion of applause seemed to follow every spectacular turn, like we were at a gymnastic competition.

I hereby declare that applauding the performers during an artistic (or spiritual) performance is ignorant.  Applauding in participation of said event, of course, is permissible to the non-ignorant, but still may not be cool. 

Someone has to make the rules.  Go forth and enforce these thy rules.

Experiments yesterday proved that I can use a much cheaper - in cost, equipment, effort and time - method for continuing the training process.  This is a major development, taking lots of pressure away from continual investment and performance demands. 

Things are shaping up around me.  Remaining cool all day and night is providing extensive resources for getting things done.

later, gators.

M

posted by: Malinov at 10:24 | link | comments |

caveat

I should mention that my treatment has sexual side-effects.  It appears to return the subject to a normal sexual active state, where a normal sexual active state would be the state found in a normal subject at the end of puberty.  You have been warned.

"In 1929, Cannon described the flight-or-fight response - notably, the activation of the sympathetic adrenal-medullary system in emergency situations.  In the 1930s, Selye began his work in stress research.  He described an alarm reaction involving the adrenaocortical system in emergency situations (Selye, 1950).  If either system is driven too hard or too long, the arousal can become a health hazard."  Henry, et al. "Ethological and Physiological Theories" HSA, 1980 p82.

How are the systems driven too hard?  Either the persistent presence of tigers or the persistent presence of tigers, remembered tigers and anticipated tigers.  Where tigers are common, the health hazard of arousal is considerably less painful than the tearing of claws.  As we live, in a modern civilized world, there are few tigers.  The dominance of remembered and antipated tigers are the source of our hazarded health.

M

posted by: Malinov at 19:15 | link | comments |

Amps

Have I mentioned that amphetimines are a tough habit to kick.  Even if we are addicted under a doctor's supervision, withdrawl sucks.  I'm finally running clean, after declining dosages and occassional experiments of full dose.  I am left with a good concept of these types of treatment.  I'm glad I'm off.

I don't mean to give the impression that chemicals can't be used to treat anxiety - obviously they can.  I don't know of any chemical that treats anxiety, per se  Recognize that anxiety is a specific psycho-physical systemic response, and in most ways distinguishable, at least in mechanism, from depression.  Most anti-anxiety meds are actually anti-depressants.  While anti-depressants treat many of the symptoms of anxiety, they necessarily are symptomatic treatments.  Relief of symptoms is not equivalent to relief from a condition.  Symptomatic treatment is often, in fact, very dangerous as the condition may fester while the symptomatic alarms are ignored.

Many anti-depressants function by retarding the flight-fight response, which works great until a tiger shows up.  At this junction of teeth, fangs and flesh, a retarded flight-fight response is inadequate to the situation and probably fatal.

Despite our reliance on meds to deal with anxiety, there is no evidence that anxiety is ultimately a chemical failure.  Far from it.  Anxiety is a purely psychological phenomenon - physical reactions to irrational fears.  The physical reactions are the symptom.  Irrational fears are the problem.  No molecule causes irrational fears.

M

posted by: Malinov at 11:00 | link | comments |

pov

"You can change a line without touching it." Gaddis

By simply changing our perspective, mentally, we can easily change our anxiety response.  One moment, we worry into a panic, believing the worst.  A word, a sign, a thought, changes our perspective and suddenly we are overjoyed.  Anxiety is a mental process and thus, mentally fluid."

"One experimental study (Passman and Mulhern, 1977) tested and confirmed the hypothesis that heightened stress results in increased punishment of children by their mother."  Schlesinger & Revitch, "Stress, Violence and Crime," HSA 1980, pp 176-7.

Everyone uses the language of anxiety in their own way.  Don't let it stress you.

Anxiety not only concerns our mental health and our physical health.  It can largely determine our actions.  Anxiety can rule our lives from can to can't and the hours in between.  I was once so ruled. 

In addition to quickly training us to recognize and restrain our anxiety response, the machine enables and can further drive relaxation, meditation and hypnosis to indescribable levels.  Here is the brave new world adventure aspect of my discovery.  Hallucinatory visualization skills are rapidly developing.  I can enter a trance, at will, in seconds, regardless of my surroundings. 

"The developing adolescent is more sensitive to stress than the adult and reacts behaviorally, whereas many adults react to stress somatically." ibid p. 179.

Habitual behavior is a typical coping technique for anxiety.  The more we function using habits, the more anxious we tend to be.   Conversely, because habits are non-adaptive, they will eventually be inadequate to the situation and become a source of anxiety stimuli.

A calm person needs few habits because time moves significantly more slowly when we are calmed and a calm person remains rationally capable to cope with the incoming sensory stimuli. 

One of the results of our overdeveloped anxiety has been ADD.  Without anxiety, ADD is simply creativity and causes no functional or behavioral problems.  Anxiety is the force that converts creativity to ADD.

M

posted by: Malinov at 11:20 | link | comments |

cited

"It had also become clear from clinical observation that anxiety motivates defense, rather than being a product of defense."  Alan Comptom, "Psychoanaltyic Theories" _Handbook of Stress and Anxiety_ 1980, p 7.

Anxiety is related to a condition called "vigilance" in animals.  When an animal senses danger, they invoke the flight-fight response, which places them in a state of alert.  Their senses are heightened and their reactions are accelerated.  When the danger is gone, the alert subsides and vigilance is ended.  This system, in one form or another, is implemented in nearly every animal that has shared this earth.

As we developed the ability to think in temporal terms, probably with the invention of verb tenses in our language, we began to postulate stimuli beyond the range of vigilance - dangers that lurked beyond our senses.  This extended vigilance is mentally manifested as anxiety and physically manifested as stress.

What has happened in the development of modern society is that the physical advantages that come with vigilance are being invoked constantly with mental stimuli that does not go away or is replaced immediately by new mental stimuli.  The constant physical stress is highly damaging to our bodies.  The constant anxiety precludes rational thought.

"Symbolic processes are also involved in the transmission of information about feared objects or events.  Although there is little formal evidence, experience from everyday life clearly indicates that anxiety can be induced by information alone (Rachman, 1978).  Information and instruction are constantly used - by parents, for example - to teach distinctions between situations that are not dangerous and situations that are dangerous and therefore to be feared.  A person walking alone at night in parts of a city that he has been told are dangerous may become anxious even if he has never previously been mugged or observed a mugging.  The anticipation of feared consequences is likely to lead to cognitive rehearsal of the feared event, thereby inducing emotional arousal."  Bootzin & Max, "Learning and Behavioral Theories" HSA 1980, p 44.

As a person enters a potentially dangerous situation, we can see the advantages of extending the reach of vigilance.  There may be no apparent - sensory - information that conveys danger, so vigilance would not be invoked by sensory information derived from the scene.  But language, memory and analogy gives us the tools to anticipate traps that are not detectable by our senses.  Entering a scene where the only sense of danger is mental finds advantage in vigilance.  Hence, the link between flight-fight and imagined threats would have been selected naturally.

"The association between inadequate adaptive/coping/defensive resources, on the one hand, and subjective distress, on the other, is suggested by numerous studies employing psychophysiological indicators of stress, in which physiological activation was observed to be more likely if appropriate adaptive patterns were not available (whether because the situation was novel or because such patterns were precluded) or if the individual lacked coping ability or demonstrated failing ego defenses.  In the context of US Navy underwater demolition team training, Rubin and Rahe (1974) noted that elevated mean serum cortisol coincided with novel experiences about which the men had some anticipatory anxiety, but declined with practice and familiarity.  Using data from self-reported anxiety, pulse rate and skin resistance measures, Holmes and Houston (1974) reported that the threat of painful shocks increased stress but that subjects using redefinition (thinking of shocks as interesting new physiological sensations) and isolation (remaining detached and uninvolved) showed smaller increases in stress than subjects who were not told to use these coping techniques."  Kaplan, "Sociological Theories" HSA 1980, p 70.

The subjectivity behind anxiety precludes chemical solutions.  Some anti-anxiety drugs dampen the flight-fight response, basically doping a natural mechanism so that it is slow to respond.  While this obviously can control anxiety, it introduces a whole host of new problems.

The most serious question, to me, is anticipating the effects of providing conscious awareness of the invocation of flight-fight with regard to mental stimuli.  It all sounds good to me, but I am not so naive to believe that there will not be losses.  It has become more difficult to motivate me with fear and horror movies have lost some of their energy as I now suffer little from fear of panic.

Largely what dissolves is irrational fear, including exaggerated fear.  Without bodily surges, the rational tends to reign with undisturbed emotional awareness. 

Finding the right words can be so tricky.

My machine - as it is called locally - only resolves one aspect of the anxiety problem.  The biggest hurdle is the retraining that must take place, cognitive restructuring and habit re-volving. 

Today, we celebrate my daughter's fifteenth birthday.  She is everything a father could hope for - beautiful, smart and kind.  The night after she was born, I held her long into the wee hours, explaining everything I knew to this darling infant.  Now, she's one of the few people who understands.

Enjoy,

M

posted by: Malinov at 10:27 | link | comments |

jargonated

In my experimental survey, I learned that many things can help us deal with anxiety.  Then I discovered a way to eliminate anxiety.   A simple, foolproof and permanent solution to anxiety.

Life changes categorically.  Words do not suffice.

You will be smarter as a result.  Your productivity will increase four-fold.  Your body will be restored to youthful perfection.

I have spent the better part of twenty years studying anxiety because I needed a solution.  I searched every corner and contemplated every explanation.  I experimented endlessly, mostly on myself. 

One day, in the course of exploring every detail, I recognized a possible therapy.  I set up the equipment and gave it a go.  The result went lightyears beyond anything I expected.  I am still dumbfounded by the effect and the change it has brought to my life.  Everyone who has tried the machine has felt the effect taking hold. 

My daughter is completely in awe of the change in me.  She's seen me at my worst and suddenly she finds me cured. 

My papers will deal with anxiety, but my marketing is geared toward relaxation.  Everyone - except the incorrigibly stupid - is anxious, but most people are not dysfunctionally anxious.  We all have coping techniques for getting by the anxiety.  Unfortunately, the two most common coping techniques are denial and avoidance.  Few people - except those on anti-anxiety meds - will admit to anxiety.  What problem?

However, everyone will admit to being tense and needing to relax.  Words can be very important when navigating anxiety.

I bought another book on the topic, straight on, we would think - Stress and the Art of BioFeedback.  Another one misses the boat.  I have mucho research to enter, working through every paper I can get my hands on. 

According to my research, the only herbal remedy with a measureable affect on anxiety is Kava Kava, which has recently been dishonored for associated liver problems.  Exercise and meditation are the only treatments with results.  Lexipro is very good stuff, doing chemically what I am doing with training.  It is easy to see the inferiority of chemical solutions from my vantage. 

The problem isn't chemical - it's a learned disability, one taught and exploited by nearly every parent in dealing their children.  We didn't know better. 

Fortunately, I have the cure.  No kidding. 

It doesn't solve problems, but it frees us up with the mind and the energy to cope with our problems directly.  Problems are easily solved when we are not living in a state of almost continual fear.  Society and advertising - damn them - live by exploiting fear.  Without irrational fears to weaken us, many, many, many things will change.

It amuses me - I have discovered the most important and simplest contribution since . . . who knows.  Mark this time.  I have changed the world.

It took me twenty years of research to recognize the importance of what I discovered - as with most great discoveries, a sudden inspiration after excessive preparation.

I'm almost embarrassed that such a profound solution could be so simple, but I'm even more embarrassed for those who worked in the field and missed it.  I can trace the routes that missed this keystone, incredibly avoided even in speculations.  I am always expecting to find some earlier thought to anticipate mine, but nothing has even come close.  It will make an amazing story.  BF Skinner helped me out considerably with imprecise statements about the autonomic systems.  Thanks BF.

We just returned from Galveston - the land of sun, wind and sand.  I am a bit more bronzed.  The kids had a great time, even though we lived in very close quarters.  We're still plagued by the sand.  I don't know how people live with the shit.

The clinical studies continue.  Fascinating, Captain.

Enjoy,

M

posted by: Malinov at 19:58 | link | comments |

dangling

Verb.  It's what you do. 

This message is brought to you by the American Association of Predicates.  Do Anything.

I drove the eldest son to a party.  On the way, I told him the facts of life.  First, I said, you will always want to be with women.  It's a genetic drive and it makes them irresistable.  The only way to end the torment is . . . let's just not go there.  Second, you cannot control a woman, or anybody else for that matter. The only person you can even come close to controlling is yourself.  Any control you think you have over others is illusory.

Fight these facts and you will suffer every sling and arrow.  Accept the uncomfortable torment of these cross directives, and you can enjoy every moment of your life, one that will certainly include the company of women.

Isn't it funny how the most controlling people tend to be the ones who have the least control over themselves?  People who externalize their problems are always annoying and often dangerous.

My work on understanding the mechanisms and development of anxiety contiues. 

I believe that we transferred the panic response to imagined stimuli because we have become oversensitized to threats, lacking ever-present mortal dangers, generally.  Without mortal threats to keep the troubles in our lives in perspective, we tend to over-estimate and purposely exaggerate the dangers of ordinary tasks.  But it is not a fear of failure or shame or imaginary death that drives us into a frenzy - those fears are best dealt with by taking action to evade or eliminate the problem - our stuck-in-the-mud wheel-spinning is generated by a fear of panic.  Once this horrid cycle is formed, fear of panic tending us toward the panic we fear, the viscious circle is remarkably difficult to break.  Everything that might cause panic becomes an stimuli to be avoided, a circle of avoidance that eventually consumes everything, perhaps leading to the complete isolation of agorophobia.

Our dread of panic - the core of anxiety - evolved because anything that caused us to panic, i.e., tigers, were best survived by avoidance.  Avoid the stimuli, avoid the panic.  Panic was to be avoided at all costs because things that cause panic are mortal dangers.  A very effective system until you eliminate most mortal dangers and begin substituting emotional troubles for mortal dangers.

When I was young, fear caused me to panic when I was confronted by a pretty girl.   I began avoiding girls so I could avoid panic.  My emotions for girls didn't diminish, so the panic was always a threat.  At the time, I hadn't be harmed by a woman.  (a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away) and I wanted desperately to be near them.  At the same time, I was terrified by the prospect of panic.  Later, encountering women, my fear of panic would cause me to panic worse.  The cycle deepens into a downward spiral.

I found ways around the panic.  Life always finds a way.  Now I have eliminated the panic.  So much better in so many ways.

Panic is the extreme end of the flight-fight response.  One of the first things to dissolve with the brain training is the tendency to panic and subsequently the fear of panic.  This is the aspect that takes much longer to change behaviorally, as avoidance keeps us from re-evaluating stimuli.  But this is also the piece that takes the shackles off the mind.  Without a fear of panic, so much wasted energy is saved.  The fear of panic is a civil war within our minds, expending precious mental energy on self-destructive tendencies while ignoring the world around.

Anxiety derives from sensitization - someone who faces mortal dangers on a daily basis is unlikely to expend energy reconsidering yesterdays actions or contemplating the future.  We don't worry about being late for work when we discover a hungry tiger in the room.  We eliminated the tigers, by and large.  The panic response should be reserved for lethal moments.  Most of our ailments derive from over-use of the panic response, which is sad because we HATE the panic response.  Fear drives us.  Impatience is an overflow of fear.

Perhaps evolution selects against intelligent-creative people by leaving the panic response tied to imagined stimuli.  Perhaps this is the switch that knocked down the Tower of Babel.

I also have a theory that my training could unleash mutant powers.  There is no evidence, so far, but we can't know until we try.  Cats is concerned that we won't be able to choose our mutant powers.  So many things to learn.

Enjoy,

M
 

posted by: Malinov at 10:18 | link | comments (3) |
psychobabble, tales of passing time

trembling

I feel so good that it seems difficult to fix the radiance with suitable expressions. 

Spring break has commenced.  The kids were dancing with delight when I took possession, eager to begin the vacation and escape the asylum created by my mad eX.  The stories that escape that place are amazing - the Alcalde - now known universally as "the asshole" amongst the youth, I am told - had frothing convulsions when Tess had friends over, terrifying the girls beyond words.  Snatching food from their hands while screaming at them.   I collect statements and prepare for my day in court, coming soon. 

I've breadboarded the circuit for my discovery, with a few more kinks to work out.  I'm eager to develop the home unit for commercial consumption, as this will be the easiest way to spread the calm.  I can only treat a few people at a time, in the mean time.  Doing what I can, making things happen.

I was told that I am smiling more often.  Life is good.

M

posted by: Malinov at 09:19 | link | comments (3) |

generally

People die for generalizations
Insistent the generalized propositions are truth
Despite whatever exceptions surround us

The specific is true and the general is generally true
That is which is the case
Days are warm and nights are cool
Admit the truth or die!
I fanatically cry
My generalizations are the true generalizations
(I never oversimplify)
The exceptions need to be exterminated
Thereby proving the general truth

Why do we care so much to cling to our sweeping understandings?

Because if our generalizations aren't more than generally true
There is more work to do

And we grow tired, we grow weary
We could sleep for a thousand years

"Freebird" starts with the lines

"If I leave here tomorrow, will you still remember me?"

If I have to ask a woman if she's going to remember me tomorrow, I doubt she gives a damn if I'm leaving.  Maybe there is some kind of Southern sarcasm at work here, but maybe the whole rest of the lyrics are pathetic delusion from a boy with no concept of human relations.  "Lord knows I can't change."  After singing these lyrics, I advised my daughter.  "If anyone ever says that to you, don't make any sudden movements and back away slowly and get the hell out of there." 

Anyone who can't take responsibility for the need for continual adaptation is deluded and useless.  Even if you think it is true, don't say it.  People will think you're an idiot and who knows, you may start changing by the time the next thought forms. 

The "saying everything you think" syndrome is mostly cured by CBT.  So much of life is simplified when we stop physically fearing our thoughts.

What shall today bring?  Happy Birthday, Cats.  A little bit older, a little bit wiser.  Always hot.

Enjoy.

M

posted by: Malinov at 08:07 | link | comments |

anxious

"Do not be anxious," saith the Lord.  Matthew 6, I think.  Let me check.  6:21? 

I hate to keep repeating myself, but after watching a doc on MaryM, I feel compelled to restate the obvious:  There is no historical evidence that Jesus of Nazereth existed.  Not a word, not a card, not a splinter or fragment.  Which is not to say Jesus didn't exist.  Lots of undocumented people existed.  But the mythology seems to believe that Jesus was a big deal at the time.  Nothing from that time indicates he caused even a ripple.  His name isn't even listed among the crucified, a list the romans and jews took care to memorialize.  No bureaucratic evidence.  No current writings. 

Was he married to MaryM?  We don't even know if he existed.  How can we pretend to know whether or not he was married?  As a matter of faith, the story should go as you wish it to go.  As a matter of history, the question is absurd. 

It's not my fault.  But I am amazed when people get fiery over the historical truths in what could very well be a piece of fiction.  The gospels, even the non-canonical ones - were not written to be historical documents.  Stories to teach.  You know, parables.  Not news.  Lessons.

It's like the pre-Ice-Age civilization theories.  We know the water level rose by over 400 feet when the ice age ended.  But some refuse to believe that there could be the remains of civilizations beyond the shore.  Does someone need to kick these dudes in the head?  What is their problem?

Homeostasis - the urge to keep things the same - is one of the most powerful forces within humanity.

The biggest problem I'm encountering is amphetimine withdrawl.  Having cured my anxiety and ADD, the adderol serves no legitimate purpose in my blood.  But after two years of living on the stuff, it is painful to let go.  There are effects on the body, mind and even the ego.  The paranoia that tends to strike long-term amphetimine use is felt strongly in withdrawl.  I am coasting down the hill, but it is a bumpy ride. 

Lexapro tends to dull stimulations, so the sexual transition involved with going off the stuff is a bit strange.  Life is so much more . . . stimulating.

When I walk into a room now, I move with the confidence of knowing that I could seriously help every person in the room.  What I have discovered is going to change everything and everyone.  It is amusingly frustrating to watch the ignorance slowly dissipate from those around me as they begin to recognize what I have done.  I am enjoying the show.  Who will be next?

I have done more for the human race than anyone since the Nazerene.  Believe me or not, you will soon discover my truth.

Gonna take the kids to Galveston next week, bask in some sunshine, visit some rockets, hang out with the new Sicilian branch of Clan Cain.

I awoke screaming in the middle of the night, sending Cats scurrying to the sofa to sleep.  In my dream, we had located the Evil One.  My scream was a blood-curdling war cry as I charged our enemy, screaming to pull strength into my sleep-paralyzed body.  It worked by waking me up.  The Evil One escaped.  Curses, foiled again.

Enjoy,

M

posted by: Malinov at 10:40 | link | comments |